The Big Sleep
by Koivu
Summary: A horrible car crash puts Katie in a coma. Instead of nothingness, however, she discovers an existence in an alternate universe. Are those…elves?  Originally meant as a parody of the cliché "Mary Sue falls into Middle Earth" plot, see Author's Note.


_**DISCLAIMER:**_

_I don't, won't, can't, will never, have no right to, shall never…[sigh] to just put it simply: I do not own anything associated with Tolkien's world, I just like to play with it._

_**Author's Note: **_

_This is the first LotR fanfic that I've written in a good three or four years, and I suppose it was spawned by my excitement about the coming of The Hobbit movie. Originally, this was meant to be a parody of all those horrible fanfics where Mary Sues just happen to fall into the Lord of the Rings universe, but then when I wrote this, it sounded a bit more serious than that. I guess we'll have to see which route this story decides to take itself; could become humorous, could stay pretty serious. Needless to say, it should be interesting. I hope you enjoy, please feel free to leave comments, even if it's just to say that you like it. Constructive criticism is definitely accepted, as I've been a bit removed from the LotR universe for a few years now. Thank you for reading!_

_~Koivu _

**Chapter One**

As she came to, the very first realization that dawned on Katie was that her head was killing her. In fact, to say that an entire kickball team had taken residence inside her skull would be a gross understatement; with each intake of breath, her temples throbbed furiously. Her eyes still closed, Katie attempted to get a feel for her surroundings through whatever her other senses could tell her. Hardly any light pierced her closed lids, and a faint, musty smell that she couldn't place tickled her nostrils. The surface beneath her was very soft. She balled her hands into loose fists, and as she thumbed the material between her fingers she thought that it might be a blanket. There was nothing familiar about the room, however. No familiar smells triggered recognition and even the blanket beneath her felt different than her own. At long last, she opened her eyes.

Soft light flooded the corners of her vision, and from its flickering quality she could immediately discern that it was candlelight.

/Strange…/ she thought.

Her tongue felt thick, as if coated in an inch of gritty sand. Try as she might to swallow, her mouth was void of all moisture. She had never experienced cotton mouth quite this bad (yes, even on her most extravagant nights of binge-drinking) and groggily probed her mind for any clues as to what she had done the night before. With the presence of that infernal headache, however, that amount of thinking only served to worsen her condition.

Emitting a low groan of displeasure, Katie attempted to raise up on her elbows and was floored instantly by the pounding between her ears and a painful sting in her ribs. She squeezed her eyes shut; as dull as the candlelight was, it was becoming too much. Didn't anyone around here have a fucking Advil or something?

A cool, gentle hand pressed against her forehead, and as the ringing in her ears diminished a bit, she slowly became aware that someone was speaking. The language was fluid and flowed beautifully. It also sounded vaguely familiar…was that Finnish? How had she ended up back in Finland? The last Katie could recall, she'd been driving home from work, when—

Katie sat bolt upright, somehow managing to ignore the white-hot pain that lanced through her torso, images of her last recollection passing before her wide eyes. There had been rain, and that stupid kid in the red Mazda had pulled right out in front of her. There had been a screech, the sickening crunch of metal folding in on itself, and then—

It was suddenly very, very hard to breathe. She clutched her left hand to her chest, dragging in shallow, ragged breaths. She had to calm down, had to calm down before she hyperventilated. The ringing was back in her ears and it was getting louder, louder…

The same female voice Katie had heard before said something soothing from behind her, and a pair of hands pressed on her shoulders, easing her back down onto the covers. It was almost as if there was power in the woman's voice, for the fear had mostly subsided before Katie's head had even hit the pillow.

/I'm going crazy. Absolutely out of my mind./

Slowly, Katie became aware of the fact that she was lying on a very large (and comfortable) bed, cushioned by layers of soft linen blankets. She had been right about that part, at least. There seemed to be a delicate pattern embroidered in green on the edges of the sheets, but as focusing was quite hard to do in that moment, the detail escaped her. Normally, she would've never bothered examining the furnishings, except that the bed itself seemed to be elaborately carved from tree roots. Not only that, it was situated right in the center of a room that seemed to have been carved itself—right out of the inside of a mountain.

/…a cave?/ she pondered groggily, /Whoever is the interior decorator here…/

Katie never got to finish that thought, as her caretaker entered her line of vision and seemed to erase all words from her brain.

She was strikingly beautiful. The idea briefly flitted through Katie's mind that this woman would've given all of Hollywood's most gorgeous girls a run for their money. Her clear, blue eyes were accentuated by naturally lush lashes; Katie studied them perhaps a bit longer than is socially acceptable, but she was flabbergasted by the sheer fact that there was not a single speck of mascara on them. The woman's brown hair hung in loose, natural waves, and she seemed to be wearing a very simple green top. It appeared to be either handmade, Katie noticed, or it was one of those save-the-world organic things. Although momentarily distracted by a simple, yet elegant silver bauble dangling from the woman's throat, Katie offered her best smile.

"Can you tell me where I am?" she asked, Finnish slipping easily from her lips despite the hoarse, raspy voice, "And could I have a glass of water?"

There was a moment of awkward silence while the woman stared silently at her, and then she chuckled with a shake of her head.

She had not understood.

Again, Katie asked, and again, her companion gave her the same helpless smile. She patted Katie's head and murmured a few words in that same, musical language she had first spoken. Her head marginally clearer now, Katie realized upon hearing it a second time that it was not, in fact, Finnish. Was it Estonian? Could there be another country she didn't know about with a similar dialect? Where the hell was she and how had she gotten here if her last memory was that of the car wreck?

A hundred thousand questions bounded through Katie's mind. The woman shifted from her seat as if to leave, and Katie bolted upright, snatching her trailing hand and realizing that the green shirt was actually a simple dress; a very outdated, simple dress.

"English?" she cried, "Do you speak English?"

A flicker of recognition passed over the woman's perfect features. She smiled apologetically.

"I know not this English of which you speak," she said softly, the style so old that Shakespeare might've considered it dated, "but it gladdens me to know that you can speak the common tongue."

It took Katie a good thirty seconds to realize that her jaw was flapping open, and she snapped it shut. This was just getting weirder by the second. Who was this woman, where was this place, and why did she feel as if she had just woken up in the middle of _The Lord of the Rings_?

She wanted to say something, but she was simply lost for words. The expression on her face must have been both hilarious and especially pathetic, for the woman leaned forward to push her gently back down onto the mattress. As she did so, her hair shifted forward, revealing the tips of two leaf-shaped earlobes.

"Rest. Here in Eryn Lasgalen, you are safe."

Katie stared in disbelief as the…_elf_ glided from the room, the only sound the hiss of her skirts on the stone floor.

A few moments later, reality hit her like a baseball bat to the face.

She _was_ in the middle of _The Lord of the Rings_.

_**Author's Note:**_

_So this is a really rough version, I haven't done much editing. Tell me what you think! Also, it would be great fun if you could let me know which direction you'd rather I take this in: humorous parody or serious attempt at making something decent out of a cliché plotbunny? :]_


End file.
